MOD Harry is Not Amused: Mors Feriarum Vermis
by Nyx the Author
Summary: Harry is informed of an apocalyptic event within another reality that would triple his workload, Taylor would appreciate it if Death wasn't planning to hijack her body, and Cauldron has a panic attack. (Part 5 of the MOD!Harry is Not Amused series on my account)
1. Welcome to Death, How Can We Help You?

(This is a sequel/spinoff to the 'MOD Harry is not Amused" series on AO3. I have one of those stories on my account here, so go read that before this.)

**So... I was thinking. I have a lot of the next part of Deus Introductio done (it will be titled Deus Vitae) and wanted to have Death coming in and fixing up worlds to prevent paperwork in the future. So here we go in the one universe I know would piss off Death. The Wormverse. These 'Death Vacation' stories will be like the previous Deus Introductio stuff, but not as short, due to Death wanting to solve problems efficiently and limit paperwork creation. Please let me know if anything seems off, I will do my best to fix it. (My canon knowledge may waver from time to time)**

* * *

**Deus Introductio: Vermis**

An alternate title is **Mors Feriarum: Vermis** which is way cooler in English.

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**Chapter I**

**AKA **Death Vacations: Worm**  
****AKA **Taylor is losing her mind_  
_**AKA **Death's just avoiding paperwork  
**AKA **Boredom begets conflict

* * *

Death glared at the dark cloaked being of indeterminate gender.

The dark cloaked being of indeterminate gender stared back.

They both turned to look at the notice from the three Fates, which read

'_Impending Apocalypse Event: Planet Earth, Reality 2E798. Time: ~2 Years. Cause: Rogue Deity'_

They glanced further down the page to see a death toll so long it went well over thirty zeroes.

"Shit." Death said.

* * *

Taylor Hebert's day was rather unusual, to say the least. She had gone to school, ignored her bullies like usual, and then found herself in her locker. In most other timelines, this would be a normal moment in her life. Now, this would be a bad thing if her locker had remained the way it was, filled with used feminine hygiene products and the such. This was not the case. Somehow, when she was shoved in, the space inside was much larger than a locker should be, and completely empty. Rather than the cramped locker filled with disgusting substances, the moment the door closed behind her she was somewhere else. A dark-cloaked being of unknown gender sat at a desk typing on multiple typewriters at once. They wrote so fast Taylor couldn't see its hands, and was only feeling the air around her move from the speed.

"Hello? Where am I?"

They glanced up silently and gestured with one hand to the wide oak doors, which were adorned with a peculiar triangular symbol with a line down the middle. Doing what any other confused mortal would do, Taylor opened the doors.

She gazed around in confusion and fear at the towering stacks of paperwork, foreboding in their simple appearance. A strangely comfortable looking chair could be seen over the tops of the surrounding parchment, so she decided the sensible thing to do would be to make her way over there and find the one who worked here.

The only logical reasoning behind this could be cape intervention. A room within her locker? Absurd! Some kind of power was in use here. If she recognized the cape's powers she would have been giddy with excitement, but now she was rather worried. Who on Earth Bet would even care about, let alone help her? Especially with someone to make such quick portals and had a base like this? She focused on her destination as the sound of shouting reached her ears.

Another dark-cloaked figure of unknown gender was standing at attention next to the strangely comfortable looking chair, a load of manila folders in its grasp like a shield. The figure in the chair was roaring furiously at a nearby minion that was remarkably similar in appearance to the dark-cloaked being of indeterminate gender. A large mirror in a gilded black and silver frame that hung in the center of the wall opposite his desk, taking up nearly the entire upper half. The mirror displayed an image of golden light ravaging what appeared to be a city in the distance, strangely familiar yet completely unfamiliar. In an instant the screen flickered to a dozen other scenes, including a _whale like being spinning through space with-_ she blinked as the image vanished. What was she thinking about again?

"What in the Nine Circles of Hell do you _mean_ we can't directly interfere? This bloody... being? Entity? Inter-dimensional space whale? Whatever he is, he's going to cause mass genocide across multiple realities! And you're saying it's _my_ job to deal with this!" There was a pause as the dark-cloaked being of unknown gender seemed to whisper something. "Off of ou- what in Thanatos' scythe does that mean? Locked the dimensional barrier? That's not even something Great Red or Ophis combined could do to stop me! That's a load of-" The man in the chair began cursing in multiple languages, some of which barely were within Taylor's hearing range.

After listening for a few moments in fear, Taylor pushed past her antisocial urges and spoke up. "Um, e-excuse me? Sir?" she said softly.

The man cut off. "Oh? Who's here now? Life? Is that you, you bloody asshole?" he growled, spinning the chair around.

Taylor blinked in surprise when she found herself staring at a teen, slightly older than herself. He wore rather flowing black robes adorned with silver trim and a peculiar symbol on the front that she couldn't quite make out. He held a wide purple cup (mug?) in his hand, an some liquid in it. His skin was covered in curling silver whorls of color, the tattoos seeming to vanish when the light wasn't reflecting off of them. She finally looked up to his hard gaze, vibrant green eyes piercing forward through glasses. "Um, no, I'm not Life, whoever that is. I'm Taylor, Taylor Hebert. Where am I?"

The man stared at her for a brief second, then snapped his fingers to the side. A form was passed to him from out of nowhere and he quickly skimmed through it. "Hmm, let's see, Hebert, Hebert, where is it... aha!" He seemed to have found the document he was looking for. "Here we are, Taylor Hebert, born June 13th, 1995. Is fifteen years old and has... oh dear, there is an issue."

Taylor stared at the man in confusion. "What?"

"It seems, Mrs. Hebert, that you are here much too early! You are in the right place for when you die, but much too early! You aren't supposed to be dead for at least year or so."

Taylor stared more. "Dead?! In a year?! What are you talking about?! Who are you? Why am I here and not my locker?" she asked.

"Ah, well, in order of appearance then. I am Death. Nice to meet you." he said lazily, waving a hand towards the cloaked being near him. "This is one of my... employees. You are here because of an accident. The deity in charge of your timeline and dimensional sectors has been planning to cause inter-dimensional genocide for years now, just to add to his little power collection. I've been trying to get to that sector to stop him, but it seems _someone_" he glances at the minion. "didn't pay for the lease that allows me to do so." He took a sip from his cup, the liquid within not vanishing as he drank.

"Um..."

"It's unbelievable, I know. Thankfully it seems you were about to be interacted with by this being, so I was able to hijack the connection and open a door to your world. I suppose I'll follow you back over and help solve the impending apocalypse over there, yeah?"

Taylor held up a hand firmly. "STOP!" The teen blinked in surprise. "What?! Apocalypse? If you're Death why can't you just pop on over and fix it?"

Death nodded amiably, smiling. "I might be able to, but there are three things stopping me. One, I'm having trouble getting over there, like having trouble starting an old engine on a car. Two: The entity is actively preventing me from going over there. He's not stopping me, but the usual methods of travel are unreliable. Three: Well, it would be too _boooring_ to just fix all the problems in the multiverse with a snap of my fingers, now wouldn't it?" he drawled, sipping from his cup. "I want to have some _fun_ one last time. You know, before resigning myself to work forever. I literally exist outside of time _and _space, so I technically work forever and never at the same time. That's essentially a paradox in of itself!"

Taylor facepalmed. "So let me get this straight. There's an apocalypse."

"Yup."

"You, the All Powerful Death, can't stop it with a thought, and you're also super bored."

"Close enough."

"So you used me, someone who was going to have formerly mentioned deity mess with me soon? Somehow? I'm not too clear on that part." she finished.

Death waved her off. "Don't worry about it. It gets wibbly wobbly and timey wimey the more you try to understand it, so just go with the flow."

She nodded, despite still not understanding what the hell she was doing. She was half convinced he was just some cape with delusions of grandeur.

"Let's go then!" Death said, (reluctantly, with a final glance at his comfortable chair) standing up and marching her towards the door. "Plenty of places to be, people to kill, and paperwork to ignore! I hope you don't mind me taking out whomever I need to to fix this situation."

"Wait, wha-?!" Before she knew it, the strange man had grabbed her by the shoulders and paraded her out of the room. Behind them a large number of the dark cloaked beings of indeterminate gender were swarming to complete the paperwork in Death's stead.

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**I hope this looks interesting! I don't know how often it will be updated, but it should be fun to write now and then. I also have nearly a dozen other fics stalling right now, so I should probably work on those a bit.**


	2. Yes, I'd like a Happy Meal with my Shard

**As requested by the original author I removed the other chapters except Deus Introductio from my account. Go check them out on ThePlotBunnyWhisperer's account on AO3 if you haven't.**

**Mors Feriarum: Vermis  
****Chapter 2:** **Yes, I'd like a Happy Meal with my Shard, Please**

* * *

Darkness.

Taylor could feel Death (which was a rather hard idea to wrap her head around) pulling her through the nothingness. Flashes of light flew by, going faster than she could make them out.

A silver circle appeared before her, and the next thing she knew she was in the hallway at Winslow, behind Sophia. The teen had just closed the locker after pushing Taylor in, and was turning to Emma with a snide grin. Neither girl had noticed them yet, but Emma was about to glance their way. Taylor glanced to the side at Death, who was observing the scene with a calm smile.

Death glanced the students over with an unamused eye, taking in the group before him. His gaze stopped on Sophia, and he leaned forward with a raised brow.

Sophia flinched as the duo just appeared in her peripheral vision, and she whirled to the side with an explosive "_What the fuck?!"_

Emma took a step back, her face blanching at the portal that was vanishing. "Taylor?! Are you a-a-a a cape?! A villain?!" she said in horror. The students took multiple steps back, the instinct to leave when a cape shows up was ingrained into their bodies.

Taylor stepped back instinctively, the situation a bit too confrontational for her. Death shrugged with a lazy grin. "To some, perhaps. I prefer to be neutral but that's neither here nor there." From out of nowhere a clipboard appeared and he skimmed through it. "Let's see here... Sophia Hess. Born October 23rd 1995. Emma Barnes, December 23rd, 1995." He glared at Sophia harshly. "You've been bullying Miss Hebert here by abusing your abilities for nearly two years now. That's extremely rude." he said irritably.

Sophia took a few steps back, warily judging the unknown man who just appeared in front of her. "Who the hell are you?" she demanded in confusion. "How do you know me?! Why the hell did you help Hebert?!" She glanced to the side, sliding a phone out of her pocket.

He sighed, grin widening. "It's been quite some time since I've gotten to interact with mortals. It's amusing, really. The lives you've taken. Were they worth it? Were you ever the predator, or were you too busy stalking your own shadow?" He said with a wink snapping his fingers. Her body turned into a shadowy mist for a brief moment before reasserting itself. She stumbled, blood dripping from her nose. The silvery lines across his body pulsed a little as he looked more closely at her.

Sophia stared at him, aghast. "You just... the unwritten rules..."

"You never bothered with them. I don't bother with the written rules either, so it was no sins off my back. However, your little parasite that gives you those abilities of yours has also messed with your head. I'll fix that." he reached forward with a hand towards her face.

With a growl of fury, she reached into her backpack with a free hand and drew a knife, swinging at his hand. It cut into the palm, sticking straight through with no resistance. She stared at him for a moment before realizing it wouldn't inconvenience him. So instead, she pulled out the dagger and threw it at Taylor.

Taylor flinched as the blade approached her face with deadly precision. Right before it hit, it changed with a _poof_ into glitter. They all looked to see Death holding Sophia's wrist with one hand and a strange gnarled stick in the other, which he had pointed at Taylor. "Well. That wasn't very nice." Death said, no longer sounding amused. Sophia tried pulling out, but Death's arm didn't even twitch. "I _was_ just planning to only remove your power as punishment for your actions towards my host, but with that little stunt, you don't deserve to taint the ground with your presence." His eyes darkened, an impossibly dark void overtaking the previously vibrant green of his eyes.

Sophia began breathing faster as he reached for her again. Right before he touched her, she suddenly turned to shadow in his grasp and tried to pull away. The students broke out into whispers. Sophia froze as she realized she was still being held in place. His grip tightened. "Ah ah, none of that now."

Sophia bared her teeth at him. "Try me bitch. Just because you want to-

**[CoNnECtiOn teRmInaTEd]**

**[PAIN]**

**[CESSATION]**

**[CESSATION]**

**[CESSA-**

"-help Hebeeeaaaart..." Sophia's words suddenly slurred as her legs buckled. Death released his wrist, and she fell, slamming into the lockers. Her eyes stared into nothingness as blood suddenly dripped from her nose. With a sigh of annoyance, Death gently grabbed her chin, both his and Sophia's eyes turning black as night.

The remaining students had already been fleeing as any smart Brocktonite would do when an unknown Parahuman appears in your midst, and they sped up even more when they saw Sophia collapse without any visible attack.

Emma was frozen in fear, staring at the near catatonic body of their friend. Madison had run with the rest of the students. Taylor was standing there stock still with a strange expression on her face. "Wha- how- what did you do?!" Taylor stuttered.

"Nothing permanant, just taking her soul. I mean, honestly, it would have been a waste to let it get reincarnated. We already have enough people being punished. What's one less?"

Taylor and Emma stared at Sophia's still body for a few moments before they both fainted.

* * *

Harry sighed as the two girls collapsed. "Ugh, really? It's just one soul, hold it together." he muttered as he sent Emma Barnes to her home with a flick of the Elder Wand. He'd deal with her later. "I mean seriously, the amount of death in this city alone should have desensitized you to it, but noooo..." he complained.

Taylor was floating an inch from the floor where he caught her with his powers, and he awoke her with a single motion.

"Buh- Wha..." Taylor mumbled, eyes snapping open to find herself on the floor.

"Now now Miss Hebert, do get up. I can't exactly let you get hurt until my job here is done. I do like taking time, and this is a vacation, but I'd rather not spend it having you recuperate in a hospital." he smiled, pulling her to her feet.

"You just... she's..." Taylor stuttered, staring down at the dead, staring eyes of Sophia Hess.

"Oh please, she's only dead. Less than she deserves if I'm being honest, and unfortunately temporary. I haven't signed the papers yet, so she's fine." he explained, levitating her into the air. "Now if we just drop her off at her home, now that her powers are gone she should be a more reasonably balanced person."

"English please?!" Taylor said in frustration.

"She had superpowers. I removed them. Her body didn't like it." Death deadpanned, silver tattoos reflecting the fluorescent lighting in the hallway. His skin seemed to have a healthier pallor to it. "It also helped me recover my abilities a bit. This realm is hidden behind some quite large barriers, and this is an avatar of myself. Powerful yes, but limited. The more parasites- powers, I take, the closer I am to killing the god that's causing all this trouble."

Taylor blinked. "So she had powers?" she asked.

He groaned in frustration. "Are all mortals this deaf? For Hela's sake, yes she had powers. Do you already have an issue with my methods? From what I gathered after reading your life's paperwork, she tormented you so much already she deserved it. You do realize you would have died in that locker had you not gotten powers?" he lectured.

"Yeah..." she responded, still trying to comprehend the events of the day. If Sophia had powers, that would explain so much. Like how her stuff kept getting taken. And how Sophia knew how to fight so well. Running through all the capes in Brockton, the clear answer was Shadow Stalker. A Ward, which was why she got away with so much bullshit. Did the PRT know about this? If they did, what could she do? At this point, Taylor didn't really feel bad about the whole thing. She had heard that Shadow Stalker had only gotten into the Wards on parole. Rumors about manslaughter charges had been going around.

"I'm going to stop you there." Death said from his position against the wall. "I know you want to go on a warpath for revenge. I was once in a similar position when a mass murderer I killed as a baby who came back from the dead tricked me into thinking my godfather was being tortured." he took another sip from the purple cup with a fond smile on his face. "Ah, good times." She turned her head to stare at him incredulously. He shrugged.

"Regardless, I was tricked and it ended worse than if I hadn't gone. Now, in order for me to have an avatar here and interact with stuff, I had to use your power you should have gotten from the locker. As such, I do believe I owe you. I will help you get justice for the events that happened at school and generally make your life better. I would offer immortality, but I know better than to do that."

Taylor stared at him. "Sure. I'll probably take a day or two to fully process this, but hey, that's fine. I'll deal with it then. However, I want you to restore Sophia. I don't want to be marked as a murderer now that people think I have powers!" she complained.

He sighed, crossing a line on the paperwork he was suddenly holding? Had been holding? Whatever. Sophia shot awake on the floor, gasping for air and coughing.

"Hey, welcome back to the land of the living." Harry smiled. She stared at him, unseeing. "Yeah, the images of the underworld will vanish from your mind soon, becoming those repressed memories you mortals are so fond of, yadda yadda." She blinked once, focusing on him. He patted her on the cheek with a smile. "See you later. Stay out of trouble!" he smirked.

A wave of one hand opened a portal to Taylor's room, and he pulled her through once more before she could react.


End file.
